This past weekend we celebrated Teddy’s first birthday! We celebrated with friends and family and were overwhelmed by the love poured out on us and Teddy. We could never have made it through this first year without our friends and family who endlessly helped, supported and listened to us. To think back to our first days with Teddy I have a hard time expressing just how difficult those days were (click here to read about Teddy’s birth story), but now that we get to look back and see how far he has come, I am blown away. This year, Jon and I were challenged in so many ways; being a new parent is unlike anything else in this world but we are so thankful for those who rallied with us in love, support, words of encouragement and advice. This past year might have been challenging but I would do it over again a million times for Teddy. So instead of speaking to the rest of you about this past year I am going to speak to my son because he is the one that today is all about anyways.
Today I hesitated an extra second before going into your room; I hesitated because I knew that when I went to get you up, you would be a one year old. One year, how is that even possible?! How can it be that this year went so slow and so fast all at the same time; it was the hardest but sweetest year of my life. You grew right in front of me but I didn’t even see it and how can it be that my heart has not burst with how much I love you. Theodore Alan, one year with you has changed me; it has made me see Jesus more clearly, it has proven I don’t need as much sleep as I think I do and it has given me more joy to be your mama than I ever expected.
The other night your dad and I were talking about the past year. We talked about our time in the NICU, we talked about how you use to spit up CONSTANTLY, we talked about how dad would lay in the floor during night feedings to feel like he was helping and how nursing you was not the easiest thing during the beginning. In the midst of each memory we didn’t dwell on the hard parts; we dwelled on you because in the midst of the hard you are our biggest joy, our biggest blessing and because we would do it all over because we could not love you more.
Life with you is not always easy and I don’t always know what I am doing but what I do know is that you make me want to be a better mama. For the moment you came into this world you have relied on me; you relied on me to feed you, to change you, protect you and comfort you and as you have grown I had only wanted to do each of those things better. I wanted to heal you in the NICU, I wanted to will you to sleep during those long nights and I wanted to give you all of me when I felt like I had nothing to give but even in my deepest desires I could not fix everything; only Jesus can do that. You taught me to trust in Jesus more, trust in his love for you that he would heal you, rely on his patience to get through those long nights and trust that his spirit would give me alI I needed to make it through each day.
We fully understand now more than ever how much we need Jesus in order to love you well and our prayer for you has always been that you would come to know Jesus and love him all the days of your life. We pray that you would be used for the glory of the Lord and that you would desire the kingdom more than this world. We pray you would love Jesus more than us and you would always follow his will, even if that is hard for us to sometimes accept or understand.
Teddy I don’t know if i could ever convey how much we love you but I hope you know our love for you in unconditional and unending. I pray this next year is just as challenging and rewarding as this first year with you has been, that we never take a moment with you for granted because I blinked and now you are a one year old and I never want to miss a thing.