I have always viewed Teddy’s life is a sign of God’s faithfulness. God gave us Teddy after a long season of waiting and questioning. We longed for a child but the Lord had us wait and it was when we least expected it that we got the positive pregnancy test. So first off, if you are in a season of waiting, I get it. I know the feeling of hope when your period is late and the crushing sorrow when your period finally does start. I know the love/hate relationship with ovulation tests and pregnancy tests. Please, please know that Jon and I get it and we pray alongside you; that you would receive the desire of your heart and that in that moment you would get to experience God’s faithfulness and perfect timing. God is in the waiting and the sorrow and you are seen and so so loved!
This new baby is more a sign to us of God’s power. This past December Jon and I had just started having the conversation about trying for baby #2. We were both a little hesitant because I was smack dab in the middle of a season riddled with anxiety. I had had several pretty serious panic attacks over the course of November and December to the point that I ended up in urgent care. Jon and my mom both had to stay home with me on several occasions and life just felt really dark. So talking about having another baby was a little daunting not knowing what was ahead of us in terms of my anxiety. Not to mention at this time I was experiencing some symptoms of Endometriosis and was waiting of an ultrasound to determine if i needed to have surgery to remove it.
With all that said, our conversation about baby #2 was more a maybe we should start trying because with my history of having a hard time getting pregnant, my anxiety and the possibility of endometriosis we thought actually conceiving would again be a long road. This conversation happened on New Years Eve; I remember driving to a friends house for a New Years Party and leaving the conversation kind of up in the air. Little did we know there was nothing up in the air about it.
On January 14th, Jon had left for work early and when I got up, Teddy was still asleep and I knew I was a few days late. Since I had had such weird periods before Teddy I had been keeping pretty detailed records of my periods since they started again after having Teddy and even more detailed after they thought I had Endometriosis. However, my period being late was nothing new, especially since my anxiety had been so bad, my period had been running a few days late the last few months. I figured I had a test, why not just take it to make sure. I took the test, put it on the counter, got up to wash my hand and saw that little + sign in the window. I just kind of looked at it thinking it would change, but the little + sign remained and all I could say was “What?”
In a season full of anxiety, during a very dark time of life, the Lord’s power was greater. There was no chance in my mind that I could have been pregnant; there were too many factors playing against us, not to mention i was tracking my ovulation, BUT GOD. I had had Teddy color on a paper that said “I’m going to be a big brother” and give it to Jon when he came home from work, and Jon’s reaction was about the same as mine: shock. Don’t get me wrong we were thrilled, we were shocked in the best possible way, but it was still shock.
Since that day our love for this baby has only grown. We told close friends and family pretty early as we coveted their prayers for a healthy baby. I continued to work through my anxiety with an amazing counselor and have seen so much healing in that area. Now at about 15 weeks I am happily in the 2nd trimester. I do view myself as one of the lucky ones because I didn’t have any morning sickness and only a few moments here and there of any nauseousness at all (outside my encounter with food poisoning around 9 weeks). Just like Teddy coffee was the first and really only food aversion I had throughout my first trimester. I did feel like I started showing way early; it was like my uterus just went into game time mode when the hormones started. I definitely experienced the 1st trimester tiredness and it was no joke! I did my best to keep up with a toddler during the day and by the time Jon got home, it was game over for me. Other than that, the first trimester went pretty swimmingly. We got to see and hear baby’s heartbeat at 10 weeks and gosh, that is one of the coolest things in the world. I am just now starting to feel baby move and we can’t wait to find out if baby will be a boy or a girl in just a few weeks.
Although we might not have viewed right now as the ideal time to be pregnant the Lord knew it would be exactly what we needed. It is a gift we never expected to happen so quickly but we are grateful for this life and the power the lord has shown us through this time. We continue to pray for a healthy baby, and that this baby would always be an example of God’s power, purpose and plan in our lives.